Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Stop Caring So Much About What Other People Think?

Baba Yaga by absolutejackass

First of all: apologies for the language below, but I think most people will appreciate the answer, even if the question feels a little... strong. Actually, it was difficult to find another way to say the same with quite as much emphasis for the post title, so I ended up rephrasing altogether, though I haven't communicated the depth of anguish the petitioner is clearly feeling about this subject.

But there's another reason I rephrased, other than for family friendly titles. Though most people may not be in a relationship situation as is mentioned here, it's not unusual to find yourself being disapproved of by one group or another, at some point in your life, and having it bother you. And Baba Yaga has a refreshingly different take on how to deal with it.

Here's today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

It might not be a complete answer, in my mind, but it's a solid - and positive - start.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: What Is Missing?

Baba Yaga and Vasilisa the Brave by Kinuko Craft

You know that nagging feeling, that there should be... "more"? But what is this "more" that you can't identify? Baba Yaga has some ideas on the subject.

Here's today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

That makes a lot of sense. But is it just about focus? Maybe she means it's about not realizing the full nourishment of the things already around you; that it's more than a lack of appreciation or of noticing them, but of really taking in the 'meat of the fruit' so you CAN be nourished. 

Hm. Food for thought.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Do I Keep Politics From Destroying My Relationship With My Family?

Vaslisa the Beautiful by toerning

Hoo boy! BIG subject. And the less I say, probably the better, so I'll leave it to the expert.

Here's today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Can we send this out as a PSA do you think? If people kept this perspective it would help so very much... in pretty much all things.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: Should I Pick the Career That Fits Me Or the One I Want to Fit?

Baba Yaga by Laura Gilbert

Well here's an interesting one. I used to believe this was a question you might be faced with (perhaps) twice in your life - once as a young person becoming a fully-fledged adult and again as an adult who is taking their working life/career to the next level (and then maybe, if you were lucky, to a less stressful extent when you moved into retirement). I'm now acutely aware that life just doesn't work that way! You may think you're destined for one thing when you're a child, then something more specific as a young person choosing a direction of study and work, but life has a way of being unpredictable and I only know a very small handful of people who've dealt with one major path through their whole life. Most I know are like me: you have plans, you work while you're working on them, some things pan out but are completely the opposite of what you expected and so your plans no longer make sense, while other things don't work at all, and all you know for sure is: you need a change of plan! Then, for someone like me who planned on NOT having a family then did, and suddenly found life was no longer as flexible, what do you do then? I'm lucky in that I loved this curve ball of motherhood I was thrown, but it did mean all my previous plans scattered in the winds of change. And then, kids or not, there seems to be a point at which you realize you're at -yet another!- crossroads and can either shore things up where you are or put in the effort to try something that you're curious about although it may not (yet) be you. How on earth do you choose what is truly best?

Here's today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

While advice like 'follow your heart', 'go for your dream', seems to be good advice, when you're saddled with responsibilities of mortgage, clients, children, a reputation or 'brand', etc etc, going beyond known territory and/or outright changing what you are doing (and who you are) is risky and often terrifying. And frankly, it isn't always the right thing to do. Dreams don't always turn out to be the pleasant ones we believed them to be (I learned that the hard way) and your heart can lead you astray. Sometimes the right thing to do is NOT to go for that job, but to commit to where you are and develop from there, because, you don't truly know the potential of that either. 'Success' in either choice and place, ultimately depend on you. (No pressure! Ha.)

I guess what Baba Yaga is pointing out in this case is: be 'alive' wherever you are, be vital - not dead wood.

Hm. When you put it like that, it might actually be possible to choose your path with confidence.

(Gosh she's good!)

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: What Does It Mean To Be A Mother?

I could have written today's question more than a few times... and yes: pastel EVERYTHING. What is that about? 

Oh and you should know, if you don't already, Baba Yaga is, in fact, a mother as well, so this should be interesting.

Here's today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

You know, I'm not one for writing things on mirrors, but this statement would be wonderfully (awfully?) empowering to see when I have to face it. 

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: Can People Tell That I Am Unlovable?

The Tenement of Baba Yaga by Nicole Schulman

Today's question tugs at my heart-strings...

Here's the question and timely answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

"The dirt on yr back & hands is not yours, and it will wash off... in yr bravery you will be seen & loved..." I have no words but "thank you Baba Yaga". (And yes, there's definitely something in my eye...)

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: Can You Help Me With Work And Money?

Vasilisa by Viona Ielegems

Although I wouldn't go so far as to use the word 'fearful', 'constantly worried' does apply so I'm eager to see what Baba Yaga has to say about this one.

Today's timely question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

"Look where I am."
So... figure out the basics, realize I have what I need to live right where I am, use that and stop worrying so much? That's pretty grounded advice. It would seem I have sensitive ears to that endless, loud river though. I wonder if Baba Yaga could recommend any sort of sound proofing aid? 

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Live With Such A Large Rat?

Vasilissa Most Lovely by Robin Jacques

Although today's question appears fairly specific, there are many variations on this theme - and Baba Yaga's answer gives food for thought (and perhaps explains a thing or two).

Today's timely question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

"...nightly gnawings at the heart." That does explain why under certain circumstances it can be so difficult to sleep. 

Wishing you all rat free rest this weekend.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Do I Form Female Bonds?

Maiden, Mother, Crone by Cate Simmons aka  SteeringForNorth (Baba Yaga, Rapunzel? & Little Red Riding Hood)

I thought I'd post a maiden, mother, crone pic today since it's Mother's Day. (Happy Mother's Day mamas!)

Female familial (and other) relationships can be so complicated it seems - a theme that's explored a lot in fairy tales via extremes (you can see a board I put together HERE of Motherhood in fairy tales - Frau Holle has her own board, as does Baba Yaga, of course). Despite how independent we can be, there comes a time when you realize, hey - it'd be GREAT to have a girl to talk to right now! But how do you get back into that groove when you've been swimming your own way for so long?

Today's timely question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Oh my goodness - ravenous wounds! What a great description. I have to say, my dearest friends are those who stand beside me and not opposite me as we go through things. So: no more wound stingers!

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Feel My Feelings?

House of Baba Yaga by Georgy Podshibyakin

Distancing yourself from your feelings is generally a survival mechanism - which is a good thing. But there should come a time when you realize you should be 'feeling your feelings' again. Apart from the prospect being downright scary for some people, how do you begin the process? Baba Yaga has a great way of looking at it.

Today's timely question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Feelings as stormy clouds... Yes, this is helpful. Still going to take a whole lot of courage to walk up to those not-bison! 

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Do I Get Over the Shame I Feel For My Work?

So You Want To Be A Hero by Neil Billings

Oh man. All that stuff you want to leave off your resume because you wish it wasn't a part of making who you were... what to do about those big ones that take lots of time and used lots of your effort (and will leave suspiciously large holes in your CV if they're omitted)? And what if they're in your "right now" instead of your past?!

This week's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Will it really get smaller the further away I get? I know that's physics, but my brain does weird things like replaying loops of embarrassment... How do you, essentially, type 'The End' and let it be THE end? I guess the real question is: how do you stop giving life to it? Perhaps my problem is that I am carrying pebbles in my shoes and don't even realize it...

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: What If The Person I Love Doesn't Want To Marry Me?

Baba Yaga by Emre Ohren (part of a series you can see HERE)

My first thought on seeing the questions was: well, I'm married, so this doesn't apply to me - but really, it does. We would all probably do a lot better if all our major decisions that were made with someone else, were considered from Baba Yaga's unique perspective.

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

That's profound. So much of life - and how you react to it, what you choose to do - depends on how you see the world, the situation. Having to navigate any part of an important journey (marriage, babies, getting pets, moving house or cities, changing careers, renovation... the list goes on), with someone who can't see magic - or potential (or joy) - in the things you can, makes the road lonely, and lacking in resting places. When you essentially live in different worlds, despite being side by side, you can never relax and feel safe and known. Good words. I will have to find a way to ask "How do you see this portal?" and keep Baba's advice in mind. 

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: Should I Put Out The Fire In My Belly?

Baba Yaga and Vasilissa by Marisa Firebaugh

So this is a tricky one: you finally come in to your element, only to find you're burning people. What to do?

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Baba Yaga (companion piece) by Marisa Firebaugh

Hm. This might take a while.Maybe I should ask my friends to wear flame retardant clothing while I'm in training...

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Be Happy For My Ex?

The Spring (Baba Yaga and the Wolf) - by Tin Can Forest

Ex's are weird: ex-partners, ex-friends, ex-co-workers - anyone whom you spent a significant portion of your time, energy and care on but is no longer in your life, can really make you wonder why you were so easy to move on from. And are you less now because they have?

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

"The black puddle where he left his paw print..." whoa. Isn't that so much like everyone you've cared for who's moved on and seemingly forgotten about you? I have to remember to "drink" the remembrance that I helped them be who they are, as much as they did me. Those 'cubs' grown with their teeth. I'm glad I helped them grow. I'm glad they are not here to bite me. Thanks Baba Yaga.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Get Over the Fear That This One Physical Feature Makes Me Look Grotesque?

RAGANA YAGA. New label coming soon for a new beer from Seventh Son Brewing Co. by Mike Moses

Self image - I haven't met many people who don't have some issues with it, and I've met a LOT of people who hate mirrors. It doesn't matter if the feature really is grotesque or not, if you get caught off guard by your reflection in a bad way when you're otherwise feeling just fine, it can change your entire day - or the direction you're taking in a key decision.This is a question I'm very curious to hear Baba Yaga's answer for.

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

I think I'm going to need a little time to mull over this one and just what that ink pool is for me personally. What I want to know now is, how do I 'step through the glass to glimpse other Sights'?

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Help People Who Resent Me?

Baba Jaga by Alicja Marczyk

Oh boy, yes. How do you keep trying and doing your best for people when they not only don't seem to care or appreciate what you're doing, but actually attack you as well? There are only so many times you can say to yourself "it's not about me - this is about them and their unhappiness.." but then what do you do?

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

Wow. Those kids are going to be her supper if they don't shape up! 

So: keep your white robe (or hat) on and make sure it's clean (and shiny) before descending into the morass of the masses... You are making a difference, even if you do not see it... And remember: Bog Queen! 

Huh. That actually does help.

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.

Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Be Myself In a Place That I Hate?

Baba Yaga, Ivachko and the Bears - Artist Unknown

For a dancer I know whose feet are currently frozen in place and for another dear friend who is far, far from home. You both know who you are. Sending courage from my heart to yours and a little support from one whose home has feet of its own...

Today's question and answer (via poet and oracle Taisia Kitaiskaia* of The Hairpin):

(Originally posted at The Hairpin HERE)

You can survive this and your stories will be fierce. And free. And strong. (And I'm saving a bottle of bubbly especially for that phone call I get when you both let me know you are finally Home.)

What do you think of Baba Yaga's advice?

Want to ask Baba Yaga a question of your own?

You can!

There's now an email address where you can send your questions

directly to Baba Yaga herself.

AskBabaYaga AT gmail DOT com

To encourage Baba Yaga to continue imparting her no-bones-about-it wisdom (ok, there may be some gristle in there... bones too), I suggest we not to leave her box empty... 

Thank you Baba Yaga (& Taisia).

* Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. Born in Russia and raised in America, she's had her poems and translations published in Narrative Magazine, Poetry International, and others.